I was with some of my friends, Susan and James, for dinner the other night and told them that during the water fast, as I lost a lot of weight, it was hard to even look in the mirror to see how skinny I was.
I didn’t notice this about myself, until the water fast, but I hold onto my rib cage when I sleep. Well, as I wasted away, holding on to protruding bones was disturbing. I couldn’t do it.
I wanted to hold onto fat. Seriously.
I saw my friend Susan the next day and she mentioned how I talked to them about holding onto fat for comfort. I said “I didn’t tell you where…I held onto my inner thigh where the fat was.”
She said “Like the covenants in the Old Testament people used to make where they put their hand under the thigh.” Leave it to a BSF leader, like Susan, to remind you of the golden nuggets in scripture:)
TT WAS MINDBLOWN.
You know my life is a metaphor lived out with Jesus.
At night, during the water fast, was when thoughts of “What if I don’t wake up?” would come. God would comfort me with His words, especially “He will keep your life” from Psalm 121: 7.
I didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing….like I never knew why I held onto my ribs before the water fast. Yet to comfort myself, I would hold onto my thighs and go to sleep.
If you have heard me talk about the fast, I have mentioned how I am thankful for my thighs. Here is a post I put on Facebook about them:
Welcome back, thighs.
I missed you.
During my 40 day water fast, I was so thankful for my thighs.
In fasting, our bodies first use stored glycogen and then go to fat for energy. My stored glycogen mighta lasted a hot minute and then we on to fat. Nawwhatimesayin’?
I was intentionally thankful for the fat on my thighs the whole fast. As everything else withered away, bones began to protrude, my thighs still had fat on them on day 40.
Not much, but something.
We, as ladies, might not thank God for our fat. But I did.
I felt like I loss so much muscle, so much fat from my legs that I lost a lot of strength. Yeah, they were skinny, but they weren’t strong. They were weak.
TT looked forward to getting her thighs back.
Not for the itty bitty thighs, but for the “runner type thighs” that might not fit in jeans all that great, but can race into nations with fierceness.
Those thighs, when healthy, run marathons. They are strong.
I’ve always been stronger in my legs than my arms. These legs take me into nations, walking on streets in Colombia, to climbing mountains in Ecuador, dancing in a Ugandan church service, walking into brothels in Thailand and into spanning beautiful countryside on the Camino.
Those skinny legs on day 40 of the water fast were in a wheelchair. 20 days after breaking fast, they started walking 160+ miles on the Camino from Portugal into Spain.
Today, 48 days after breaking fast, I ran in our family’s 4th annual Thanksgiving tradition of the Turkey Trot.
As I ran the last mile, Eric Liddell’s line from “Chariots of Fire” was on repeat in my head “When I run, I feel His pleasure.”
TT cried at the finish line. At a 5k….
Why? Because ever since breaking the water fast (a level of dependency and trust in God like I have never had) I am walking in SO much thankfulness and joy.
Tears of joy.
After I ran, I went back (like I always do) to walk with my family who walks the 5k. I was walking toward the runners/walkers.
I see an older man who seems to have obvious hip pain.
I pray for his healing in my head.
When he approaches nearer to me, he says “I wish I had your legs.” It was a somber moment. He was serious. I was a stranger to him. He had no idea I had just prayed for him.
But of all the things he could have said….he said that.
“I wish I had your legs.”
He had no idea what that phrase meant to me.
Welcome home, thighs.
You belong here.
I missed you.
I am thankful for you.
Back to this morning, reading about where these thigh instances were in the Bible from Got Questions (thank you for your insight on what I am about to write), I saw it appears in Genesis 24:9 and Genesis 47:29.
Genesis 24:9 “So the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master and swore to him concerning this matter.” This was concerning the servant finding a wife for Isaac that was a believer.
One interpretation is the thigh was considered the source of posterity (future generations) in the ancient world. This was an oath for Abraham’s descendants….who his son would marry.
Genesis 47:29 “As the time of his death drew near, Jacob called for his son Joseph and said to him, “Please do me this favor. Put your hand under my thigh and swear that you will treat me with unfailing love by honoring this last request: Do not bury me in Egypt.”
In this passage, Jacob wanted Joseph to make sure he was buried in what would be known as Israel.
Both instances are from patriarchs, fathers in the faith. Both are near the end of their death….their last wishes per se.
This is where TT gets mindblown.
My Father asked me to fast 40 days on only water. I obeyed. And I held onto my word. Literally held onto the promise at night when, at times, I would wonder about the outcome. I held on for comfort that when MY Patriarch in the Faith asks me to do something, He will be faithful to carry me through.
And just as the thighs could be a symbol of posterity….this act of faith He called me to, will also be for future generations. I will tell about this time where God called me to trust Him with my life.
His last words, before His ascension into heaven were “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
An oath was made concerning future generations. This is what Jesus cared about in His closing words. And THIS IS THE VERSE GOD gave me for 2019.
“He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, so the next generation might know them— even the children not yet born— and they in turn will teach their own children.” Psalm 78:5-6…verse 6 was for 2019.
Now that I have gained my weight back, 2 months post 40 day water fast, I don’t hold onto my thighs anymore. But I look at them in a whole different way.
The thighs are now a symbol of a promise. A covenant. Something I held onto to comfort when it got hard….without knowing why I was doing it.
But then it gets wilder. As I am reading this morning, I read “The thigh (the literal thigh) was chosen as a sacrificial portion of animals. Although now often eaten as food, it is not unusual that the thigh is a forbidden food among certain peoples, even today.” (Ray Herman)
The Lord wanted me to be an altar, like in the temple where the sacrifices were, during the 40 day water fast. I was a symbol that I would lay my life down to obey Him. He encouraged me at the end, like the angel told Abraham right before he was going to sacrifice Issac, “Now I know you fear God, for you did not withhold your son.”
I felt the Lord say to me “Teresa, now I know you fear Me as you didn’t withhold your life.”
The thigh was the sacrificial portion. And still not eaten today…which makes me think, God wouldn’t allow my thighs to completely waste away as my body fed on it’s fat for survival.
Might sound like “TMI..TT…T.M.I.”, but sacrifice isn’t pretty, yet it’s my portion.
Now I am back to holding onto my ribs…the place where God pulled from to make woman in the very beginning of creation.
My God formed me and fashioned me, initially from the rib of a man.
“So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.” Genesis 2: 21-22
As I go forward, I will hold onto how He made me.
Teresa, set apart BEFORE the foundations of the world so EVERY nation, EVERY tribe and EVERY tongue could know Him. And I will accomplish this by receiving power from the Holy Spirit as He enables me to lay my life down for the gospel.
His last words…
I can rest in that and hold onto that for dear life.
