I carry pain in one fist and joy in the other. 

Call me double fisting it....but it's the reality of following Jesus.

If you carry His heart, you carry both.

You rejoice over every sinner that repents.

You run after the one going astray, tears streaming down your face, when the 99 are just fine.

I do choose to use a big fat cup of JOY to drink from though, because there is a LOT to celebrate. Joy comes from His Spirit. It's not contingent on circumstances. 

I have watched people I have discipled leave the faith....profess to be an atheist....or "Progressive" Christians....and also walk blatantly in sin they were once in tears over.

Times like this, my heart grieves. I hope yours does too and you aren't a part of leading them astray. Millstones aren't "in" no matter how progressive you think your deception is.

There is no way around not holding a cup of grief in times like this. I must drink that cup and not ignore reality. It hurts because I care about people's souls. I care that they KNOW HIM and not some fairy tale scripted in dark nights of the soul not defined by truth.

So I'll keep drinking the cups.

I'll keep choosing to go after the one.

Rejoice when they come home.

And disciple the 99.

Knowing that some will choose to leave.

I can't expect to follow Jesus and not have the same things happen.

He discipled and saw many walk away. 

Double fisted all the way until I see His face.